This newsletter is brought to you by Red Pandas! Not only do they corner the market in the cute department, they are pretty adorable when freaking out over pumpkins (see video).

JANUARY 21 to FEBRUARY 20

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks.

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board.

OBSESSIVE COMPLAINER

You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched.